"Each year, over half a million dreams are shattered. Out of 3.3 million babies born alive, some 30,000 die during the first 28 days. Another 33,000 babies are stillborn. Miscarriage occurs in 15 to 20 percent of pregnancies, while ectopic pregnancy occurs in one percent."
When a Baby Dies: A Handbook for Healing and Help, Rana Limbo and Sara Wheeler, RTS Bereavement Services, 1995

This page is an informational resource for those that have suffered a loss through miscarriage, or still birth.

Everyone who has experienced a miscarriage reacts differently.  For some it is a just a medical mishap, for others it is a death of a child.  No matter how you feel, it is okay to feel that way.  Allowing yourself to do this will enable you to move on to a "normal" life again.  Treat your miscarriage as you would any other significant loss.    Remember no matter what stage in your pregnancy you lost your baby, you have a right to grieve.

It is very common for you to experience grief.  Your grief for the hopes and dreams that were suddenly shattered, you grieve for the baby who died.  Below are some items that can help you to move past the grief.

How to move through grief:

• Look after yourself physically.  Try to eat well, get some gentle exercise and plenty of sleep
• Seek emotional support from your family, friends, support groups, clergy, social workers, or counselors.  It helps to discuss your feelings with a compassionate listener.
• Realize that you and your partner are not to blame.  Miscarriage in the first trimester is simply to common an event.  Instead talk about it with each other and give yourselves time too heal and to mourn.  
• Indulge yourself; get a massage, take a weekend trip, anything that will make you feel better.

There are several ways that you can help yourself with the grieving process:

• Hold a funeral, so you can put your child's remains to rest.
• When no remains are available, hold a memorial to reflect on what the baby meant to you.  Plant a tree, put some flowers or a note in a baby bottle afloat on the ocean, or a river. 
• Write down your feelings in a journal.  Record all your feelings, the hopes and dreams you had of this baby.
• Make a donation in your baby's name to an appropriate charity.
• Purchase a birthstone necklace of the due date or date of your child died, and wear it in remembrance.
• If you had a late loss, keep a photo of your child, a lock of hair, birth certificate, and foot/hand prints.
• Celebrate the baby's anticipated birth date, or the anniversary of your lose each year.
• Remember that the father is also grieving.  Listen to him, as much as you talk to him.  If there is a trouble with open communication, seek help through counseling, your clergy, or support groups.

Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS)

SIDS is the sudden and unexpected death of an apparently healthy infant, whose death remains unexplained after all known and possible causes have been carefully ruled out through  an autopsy, investigation of the scene and circumstances of the death and exploration of the medical history of the infant and family.

SIDS strikes families without regards to races, ethnic and socioeconomic origins without warning.  More infants die from SIDS in a year than all who die of cancer, heart disease, pneumonia, child abuse, AIDS, cystic fibrosis and muscular dystrophy combined.

While there is no known cause of SIDS, there are some steps that can be taken to lower the risk factors, such as:

• Do not smoke, drink, or use drugs while pregnant

• Wait at least one year between births

• Place your baby on the back to sleep

• Stop smoking around the baby

• Use firm bedding materials

• Avoid overheating

• Breast-feed the baby

• Maintain proper medical check-ups

(Following the recommendations faithfully will still not prevent SIDS, though it may lower the risks)

For more information about SIDS please contact:

SIDS Network  or American SIDS Institute

One of the worst things to experience is finding out that the child you are carrying has an abnormality. You may feel anger, disbelief, guilt, denial and confusion.  Now comes the decision to continue the pregnancy or terminate it.  

Take a few days to decide what you want to do.  Gather as much information about the abnormality.  Discuss with your doctor any questions you may have about the life expectancy and the quality of life expected for the baby if you continue the pregnancy.  Find a support group for parents who have children with the same birth defects. If you decide to terminate the pregnancy, find a support group, and discuss your loss.  Allow yourself time to grieve over the loss.

Remember, no matter what you decide, the decision is yours and yours alone, and you are not to be judged one way or the other.

Hannas Prayer

Christian support for fertility challenges. Including Infertility or the Death of a Baby at any time from conception through early infancy

Honored Babies

women helping women with miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, pregnancy termination, stillbirth, and neonatal & infant death

Hygeia

An Online Journal for Pregnancy and Neonatal Loss. Subject matter of grieving and loss as it pertains to pregnancy loss, miscarriage, neonatal loss, poor neonatal outcome, voluntary terminations of abnormal pregnancies, and other life-threatening illnesses.

A Heartbreaking Choice

For those parents who choose to interrupt their pregnancies after poor prenatal diagnosis

Mothers in Sympathy & Support (M.I.S.S.) Netpals

An online pen pal service for parents experiencing neonatal death, SIDS, stillbirth. Extensive information including burial and funerals, support groups, workshops for health care professionals, and more resources.

 

A Place to Remember

A place of information, support and remembrance for those who are grieving a loss through miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant death.

 

Pregnancy Loss Support Group Forum

Provides support and information for everyone experiencing or concerned about the trauma of miscarriage (including blighted ovum), ectopic pregnancy, therapeutic terminations, stillbirth or neonatal death.

Miscarriage- Surviving Pregnancy Loss

M.E.N.D.

Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death

WHEN A BABY DIES…FETAL AND INFANT DEATH

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