| Until recently we thought controlling our feelings and hiding our
grief was the right way to grieve. If we lost control of
ourselves we were supposed to do it in the privacy of our own home,
preferably behind closed doors. Now the pendulum has swung and
we are supposed to show our feelings and grieve openly. In fact,
friends, relatives, and sometimes mental health workers say things
like, "If you don't grieve, you'll end up with cancer or high
blood pressure...or in a psychiatric unit." These kinds of
statements are emotional threats and should never be spoken.
Currently there is no scientific proof that people who deny their
grief will get cancer or go crazy. Some mourners grieve openly
and in public. Others grieve quietly and in private. Some grievers
may be in such denial they are unable to face their loss at all, and
that is their right. While continued and pervasive denial
prevents us from attaining resolution and may interfere with our lives
in both physical and emotional ways, denial may be the only way some
grievers are able to go on. However, denying grief does not mean
they will get cancer or go crazy.
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