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A child's grieving process may be made easier by being open and honest
with the child about death, using direct language, and incorporating
the child into memorial ceremonies for the person who died.
Explanation of death
Not talking about death (which indicates that the subject is off
limits) does not help children learn to cope with loss. When
discussing death with children, explanations should be simple and
direct. Each child should be told the truth using as much detail as he
or she is able to understand. The child's questions should be answered
honestly and directly. Children need to be reassured about their own
security (they often worry that they will also die, or that their
surviving parent will go away). Children's questions should be
answered, making sure that the child understands the answers.
Correct language
A discussion about death should include the proper words, such as
"cancer," "died," and "death."
Substitute words or phrases (for example, "passed away,"
"he is sleeping," or "we lost him") should never
be used because they can confuse children and lead to
misunderstandings.
Planning memorial
ceremonies
When a death occurs, children can and should be included in the
planning and participation of memorial ceremonies. These events help
children (and adults) remember loved ones. Children should not be
forced to be involved in these ceremonies, but they should be
encouraged to take part in those portions of the events with which
they feel most comfortable. If the child wants to attend the funeral,
wake, or memorial service, he or she should be given in advance a full
explanation of what to expect. The surviving parent may be too
involved in his or her own grief to give their child full attention,
therefore, it may be helpful to have a familiar adult or family member
care for the grieving child.
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